In a few hours I’ll become a schnauzer lover without a schnauzer. Just like an art admirer without any piece in their home. In a few hours, for some, I will become a hypocrite and in n less than three I will be boarding a plane saying my final goodbye. It’s funny how change is just a phone call away. Just yesterday I was living in a world where my boy wasn’t suffering and now I was forced to accept a truth nobody wants to hear. His time is limited. Jack has begun to suffer more and more convulsions the voice of the veterinarian was explaining miles away.
I was stuck between the sword and the wall. In each option Jack’s health and happiness was in jeopardy and my mine concern. One of life hardest decisions had to be made and the responsibility laid on me. I bought the next plane ticked to see him one last time.
Jack I am sorry I wasn´t there for you the same way you were always there for me. It kills me inside to know that I will never be the person you think I am. You were my light in the darkest hours. Those weeks at the hospital your picture was by my side giving me a reason to fight and to see you this way without being able to be there the same way makes me hate myself. I am sorry I can’t be the person you think I am; I am sorry I couldn’t give you more time or that I had to go away so long. I will always wish we have more time but at least rest assure that I will be holding your paw when you give your last breath.
I was blessed with two warriors, one for each side. Each one with different skills to teach. I lost Sexy to the angel of death a year ago and now Jack must go with them. It doesn’t matter if their deaths are different; both can fill a heart with sorrow. My two warriors have left this war and now they may run free. I can only hope to meet them someday, but I rest knowing that they will always be in my heart and how blessed I was for meeting them. Thank you for giving me happiness and hope when I lost it all. My two babies I will always be in debt with you and you will always be in my heart. I am sorry it had to be this way.