It’s been a while since I posted something. The reason is as sad as it can get. Not only because I haven’t got the time, but also because I didn’t wanted to connect with what was actually happening to me. Usually I don’t post about my life, but about schnauzer facts. This is different.
I was walking with some friends when I saw a miniature schnauzer. She looked just like mine. As always, I ran after the dog. I started playing with this beautiful baby and talking to the owner. She told me stories so specific that I kept thinking how weird it was because most of them could apply to mine. The personality of Melany, the miniature schnauzer, was so similar if not exact to mine. I am not a crier, but it took a lot of strength not to cry on the street holding Melany.
She was the reminder of my dog. I never got it of my chest, but my baby, Sexy, the one who started all this is no longer with me. I never cried. I don’t know if I repressed all my emotions or if I simply didn’t have any feelings. The fear of collapsing and crying out of the blue was always there. It almost happened. Luckily the mother of Melany was extremely kind and listened to me. I got part of it off my chest.
I got back to my hometown and caught myself looking for my baby. It hit me I still needed closure. I realized part of my procrastination was a defense mechanism. It is hard looking at all the amazing photos you all send me and the stories and not being able to have any more of those with mine.
As a result I realized the only way is to actually talk about it with people that will understand and to stop repressing my emotions. Sadly enough, it took me some months and a desire of crying out of the blue in the middle of the street to finally see it. Sexy was not just a dog, she was my best friend and such a fighter. She taught me how to fight when no one would believe there is a chance for you to survive. I owe her more than I can ever pay and for all I will always be grateful.
(I hope you don’t mind me writing more about her.)